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Topic ClosedA SIGN OF THE TIMES

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Rothman2 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: A SIGN OF THE TIMES
    Posted: 14 Oct 2010 at 10:41
OFF TOPIC I KNOW BUT I AM SURE YOU WOULD AGREE THAT IF ADMIRAL NELSON WAS ALIVE TODAY HE WOULD TURN IN HIS GRAVE.......
 
Nelson: 'Order the signal, Hardy.'

Hardy: 'Aye Aye, sir.'

Nelson: 'Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the Signals Officer. What's the meaning of this?'

Hardy: 'Sorry sir?'

Nelson (reading aloud): 'England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledygook is this?'

Hardy: 'Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered cloudberry.'

Nelson: 'Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.'

Hardy: 'Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.'

Nelson: 'In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle.'

Hardy: 'The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking.'

Nelson: 'Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it then ...full speed ahead.'

Hardy: 'I think you'll find there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water, sir.'

Nelson: 'Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please.'

Hardy: 'That won't be possible, sir.'

Nelson: 'What?'

Hardy: 'Health and safety have closed the crow's nest,sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected.'

Nelson: 'Then get the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.'

Hardy: 'He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle, Admiral.'

Nelson: 'Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd.'

Hardy: 'Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.'

Nelson: 'Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.'

Hardy: 'Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.'

Nelson: 'Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons.'

Hardy: 'A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?'

Nelson: 'I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.'

Hardy: 'The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.'

Nelson: 'What? This is mutiny.'

Hardy: 'It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.'

Nelson: 'Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?'

Hardy: 'Actually, sir, we're not.'

Nelson: 'We're not?'

Hardy: 'No, sir. The Frenchies and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.'

Nelson: 'But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.'

Hardy: 'I wouldn't let the ship's Diversity Coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary.'

Nelson: 'You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King.'

Hardy: 'Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multi-cultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life.'

Nelson: 'Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?'

Hardy: 'As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment.'

Nelson: 'What about sodomy?'

Hardy: 'I believe that is now legal, sir.'

Nelson: 'In that case..kiss me, Hardy'.

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Nottmrugbymad View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2010 at 10:47
As a Welshman I object in the strongest possible tone to the use of the word England, this fleet was clearly protecting the whole of the British Isles and should not therefor be using language which reflects the continuing disenfranchisement by the Monarch and Establishment of the time of the other constituent nations (including Cornwall of course) regardless of whether or not they were supporting the French at the time.
If only Nottingham was in Wales it would be perfect.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2010 at 10:50
Thumbs Up LOL Good read Rothman2!! True though
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Oct 2010 at 18:04
I takegreat exception to this,my daughter is a legal aid lawyer!!!!AngryThis remark has made me feel dirty and defiled.I am sure it has infringed my rights,I believe?.And lets face it ,its all about ME isnt it!!!!!Wink
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 11:24
Originally posted by Nottmrugbymad Nottmrugbymad wrote:

As a Welshman I object in the strongest possible tone to the use of the word England, this fleet was clearly protecting the whole of the British Isles and should not therefor be using language which reflects the continuing disenfranchisement by the Monarch and Establishment of the time of the other constituent nations (including Cornwall of course) regardless of whether or not they were supporting the French at the time.
 
Back in Lord Nelson's day, "England" was widely used as a synonym for the whole of Great Britain, or, after 1801, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.  Furthermore, "England" legally included Wales between 1746 and 1967.
 
/pedant
 
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Nottmrugbymad View Drop Down
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Nottingham

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 12:04
"continuing disenfranchisement by the Monarch and Establishment of the time of the other constituent nations" argue that this encompasses the boot of the oppressor on the thoat of mother Wales via the control of the legal system. Pedantry is less the case here than interpretaition of history. One might argue that England (also known as Lloegyr or Lost Lands) only exists through illegal acts around the time of the Norman Conquest and subsequent rewriting of the legal system to legitimise William the cranberrys claim to the place.
If only Nottingham was in Wales it would be perfect.
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Exeforever View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 12:34
You're about 500 years late NRM the concept of England derives from the Jutes, Angles, Saxons etc rather than the Normans.  It's always surprised me slightly that the Normans didn't rename the place given how carefully they extirpated all Anglo-Saxon influence.  Of course before Athelstan there was no concept of "England" but then there wasn't a High King in Cymru either though Maelgwn of Gwynedd came close to the role long before the English got round to it.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 13:32
bloody hell it was only a joke.....not the Spanish Inquisition...and I know no-one expects that.  It all started when Philip of Spain issued those word to Eilzabeth 1  " Armada than you are".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 13:39
Rothman!! a particicularly dangerous message that should leave you ashamed!!
 
The length of this message is dangerous in itself. and while reading it the sunlight reflected off the screen dazzling me causing me to spill my Very hot cup of tea all over my snakefruits!!
This caused me to jump up banging (sorry causing a severe contact injury) to my right knee on my knee hole desk!!!!
 
I have just looked through the office furniture manual and it clearly doesnt warn me that an injury could occur by smashing ones knee on the desk should one spill hot (boiling hot) tea on his snakefruits!!  so i deem this a failure on behalf of the manufacturer and not you. and they will be hearing from my personal injury lawyer pretty damn quick.
 
The bloody hot cup of tea, made by my secretary was rediculously hot, when she gave it to me she did not say that if i spill that on my snakefruits, it gonna feckin hurt. so she will be getting a letter from Scolded nuts for dosh lawyers, right away.
 
The damage to my eyes caused by the screen is the manufacturers fault, it clearly does not say in the manual, if you read stupid messages from Rothman you could banana your eyesight, so they will be hearing from "try it on direct.com"
 
But by submitting this exceedingly long message that contributed to my damaged eyesight, burnt snakefruits and bananaed knee is purerly down to you, and richard for allowing it to be seen. you two will be hearing from accidents for cash ltd. and should be ashamed!!!
 
Anyone know if you can still get Germaline????
 
 


Edited by former9 - 15 Oct 2010 at 14:00
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Nottmrugbymad View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 14:05
Ex, one might perhaps cast further back, before the damned Angles and Saxons invaded our delightful greensward. Blame the Romans, after all what did they ever do for us?
Smile
If only Nottingham was in Wales it would be perfect.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 14:10
I am increasingly of the opinion that we all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 14:26
Perhaps it was leaving the swamp and going in to the trees in the first place?
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Halliford View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 14:34
Just off to see my medium and ask my amoeba ancestor how it (no gender in those early days) feels about this.

Have to take issue with the Normans extirpating Anglo-Saxon influence. Have you forgotten Robin Hood so soon? A Saxon fighting a villainous Norman - mind you he was doing it for a King who spent his whole time upsetting Muslim foreigners. Was he a role model for the Duke of Edinburgh?!!!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 14:36
The Garden of Eden was NOT a swamp!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 14:58
The Garden of Eden was NOT a swamp!
 
But Cratch Bees it was the first example of DR !!!!!Tongue
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 14:58
The asteroid that carried the seeds of life here from the cosmos was definately shaped like a dragon.
If only Nottingham was in Wales it would be perfect.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 15:02
NRM
 
I am impressed and did not realise you were that old
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Nottingham

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 16:41
I find that copious quantities of beer have a preserving effect.
If only Nottingham was in Wales it would be perfect.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 18:00
CharlieP most of us Titans havent!!!!!Confused
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Oct 2010 at 18:02
Halliford I take great exception to your remark.........my brother was called NormanDead
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